Month: November 2016

0043 Thrive and Connect: Dealing With Fear of Rejection

Posted on by Gary Monti

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This podcast is from a presentation to Awesome Women In Business

47344674 - woman is trying to fight her fear of rejection

A GUIDED MEDITATION

  • I want you to close your eyes and go back in time
  • To a time when there was no boundary between your feelings and thoughts and the outside world.
  • A time when you were free and didn’t have to double-check yourself.
  • (let a minute go by)
  • What do you notice about your surroundings?
    • are you wearing a favorite piece of clothing?
    • Are you opening a favorite box that contains everything important to you?
    • Are you at a favorite relative’s house and is something special that smells delicious in the over?
  • There’s a name for this set of physical experiences: Axis Mundi – the place where what is going on inside you connects with the outside world and you feel whole.
  • We’ll come back to this.

SOURCE OF FEAR OF REJECTION

  • Fear of rejection arises from feelings of not being good enough, of feeling unable to deal with the ups-and-downs on life on one’s own.
  • So, where does it come from? Trauma.
  • When we lack the power to protect ourselves in a traumatic situation in order to cope it can be easier to just deny the trauma occurred.
  • The problem with this is we also wall off the associated part of our psyche and the skills/capabilities that go with it.
  • We also get stuck in our head which can kill sales and the ability to perform.

SOLUTION

  • Focus on others.
  • Give to them what you need yourself.
  • By seeing yourself giving to others it eases the path towards giving to yourself, i.e., reclaiming that part of you walled off with the trauma.
  • Your feedback is important. Choose from the following options:
  • Click on “Send Voicemail” over to the right,
  • place a review in iTunes,
  • click on “leave a comment” below,
  • send any comments along with your name to comments@thriveandconnect.com or
  • call us at 614-388-8917 and leave a message including your name, the podcast number and show title.
  • Listen to future episodes for our reply.

0042 Thrive and Connect: Pain, Reactivity, and Mindfulness

Posted on by Gary Monti

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Our co-host, Jennifer, talks today about dealing with chronic back pain and how it affects her outlook and ability to be either proactive or reactive to life’s events.

(Her situation takes an interesting twist which will be revealed in a future podcast.)0042-image-001

The four Immeasurables are reviewed along with the power of humility.

She shares her increased empathy for those from her past who lived with chronic pain.

Chronic pain sucks the energy out of a person.

The corrosive effect of the six realms of reactivity (rage, greed, instinct, desire, jealousy, and pride) inhibits being joyful especially with jealousy, e.g., “Why can’t I have a better life like that other person?”

The use of a meditation technique, tonglin, to help dissolve reactivity is explained. It opens a door to being joyful by letting go of watching others and comparing. Loving-kindness can be restored. Energy is also saved, energy that can be distributed in a positive way.

The question surfaced, “How can we show others what works for us in terms of mindfulness?” We just look for the opportunity without forcing it upon others. Jennifer relates it to her consulting work in conflict resolution.

Working in this way helps one get out of their head and reduce suffering.

The challenges associated with push-back being generated by someone choosing to stay stuck are discussed. There is only so much we can do.

For ourselves, when we practice tonglin are acuity increases. We see more and are more present, even if the other person is resisting. We become free to just be ourselves.

Your feedback is important. Choose from the following options:

  • Click on “Send Voicemail” over to the right,
  • place a review in iTunes,
  • click on “leave a comment” below,
  • send any comments along with your name to comments@thriveandconnect.com or
  • call us at 614-388-8917 and leave a message including your name, the podcast number and show title.

Listen to future episodes for our reply.